Sometimes do you ever feel like you are leading a series of multiple lives? I wonder if thats the same reason a few friends have left , they had multiple lives living as well and decided to go and start brand new in singularity. Perhaps this is why the internet got big so fast , people had a chance to be somewhere they'd never been before, and try complete new things and be compeltely differnt new people another chance.....perhaps perhaps

Are you ever most alone in crowds?

Some of the best conversations I have when I'm alone.
Some times it feels almost as though I have a twin living inside of me, and the best thing for us both would be to seperate out and spend every minute in each others company..... It's weird.......I feel a connection....but within myself.... It's a very strange sense. I just want to sit down with my own half and talk and hang out shoot the shit, just be around myself whos not me. narcissistic you might say? I don't think this falls into the same catagory, its more comfort in aloneness and a ghost feeling inside.

I'm intreaged by death by I'm afraid of dying.

I want to enjoy Life, but I'm afraid of trying.

I love playing music , but I sing out of key.

I want to be happy but I do nothing for me.

I've been precieved as quite intellegent but I say stupid things.

I've been called a born leader, but I havn't the balls to lead.

I can't make decisions, but I want one to be made

I love controversy , yet I don't want people to be upset

I want to take risks, but I fear consequence.

I love the technology , but I fear the capabilities.

I love the capabilities , but I fear to what vices.

I love to be loved, I love to love, but I fear commitment, I fear pain, no pain no gain, no gain more pain, sexual pain is different. emotional pain is crippling, emotions can be sickening, the poisons are quickening, debates turn to screams , anxiety rings, It all meant something, but it also meant nothing. Nothing is simple, but its simply complex, but in the end the answer is simple, and we've just clouded our text. What is going on in my mind, why do i feel compulsions to rhyme. I love that I hate you, and I hate that I love you. You being humanoid void of campassion, or stilllife void of obsessions. The world, the planet, the galaxies the universe, my mind my creations, my entire megaverse. I cannot compete with the race in my mind. the gerbils are dead from working overtime. I feel I must flee , potentially vanish.............but I wont, and with one simple sentence a comical statement, my entire point and ponderous fragment, is strictly debunked defunked from scolastics. Brad i'm afraid I 'm starting to understand your obsession with chaos, not that i understand.i don't think chaos would want me too....not that any of this is what chaos is...but i'm gathering more and more each day the appreciation and somewhat understanding of the process.....to understand chaos would be to explode ones mind. ...that's not really true..........let's all try it.........i'm in a fucked up place righ tnow, alot of questions I don't want answered. alot of places I don't want to be, alot of people I don't want near me. alot of people I want to see. alot of fucking rhyming holy shit tree!!! Dr. Suess has infested my soul. Like a hairy green stinky molestual troll.

Fuck that I don't even pretend to comprehend chaos at all, i retract, well it sposisble i might, but i don't i'll say, caus ei dunno , all i know is right now if it were incarnate, (besides brad waha zinnnnng) it woudl enjoy to run around my head for a few laps, if it hasn't allready.

For those of you who don't know... my life is the longest running sitcom I know about , with no off the airs or reruns.......I think it's time for a variety hour special of its very own